Gloom, Despair and Agony on Me…

So, I woke up this morning feeling pretty low anyway – physically and mentally.  I’ve been experiencing some physical set-backs lately. The good news is that it isn’t cancer coming back. YAY! The bummer news is that I’ve got arthritis and a recurrence of an old mono infection, probably brought about by stress. Shit, though, when am I not stressed in some way? I’m told that my mono recurrence will probably take a few months to go away and I should just take it easy. I’d say that taking naps almost every day, some that last into the next morning, is taking it pretty easy. And it is frustrating as hell. Because I have a lot of shit I am impatient to do, that needs doing.

Anyway, I woke up, in a bit of a gray cloud to begin with because I felt physically shitty yesterday afternoon and sleeping didn’t really help much. I stumbled into a messy kitchen (because I am apparently the only one motivated enough to do the dishes when it gets out of control around here), grabbed some coffee and hit the social media circus to see what was going on. Now, I know that it’s all pretty damn depressing right now, with a gigantic moron “leading” (gag) the US government, but, probably due to a lot of algorithms, the subject of our climate and environment was all over the place. As, frankly, it should be. But here’s where I started to sink lower. Scientists are stating that things are far worse than anyone is really acknowledging. We are currently in what is known as the Sixth Extinction. So many reports and articles about the dire situation of our entire planet and hand-wringing about what to do…and let’s be honest, it’s past time for us to do something. The tipping point was passed about two or three years ago, maybe longer. We’re in free fall now.

People are arguing about how to get the planet’s populations to pay attention. To look beyond the immediate distractions of our politicians and their games, beyond the immediate gratifications of economies, beyond the irritating, mundane, day-to-day personal problems that we think we have.
Some say we need to get the stark, horrifying, truth out.
Others are saying that’s not what is going to motivate people; that we need to keep hope alive.

And of course, there are still way too many people who don’t believe we have a gigantic problem looming over us at all.

I’m feeling like none of it matters anymore. It’s inevitable and it’s unstoppable and it’s terrifying and it’s tragic, and people, being the consummate, lazy, idiots that we are, aren’t going to listen and act; aren’t going to do anything that will stop it from happening.
We’ve had warnings and research and reports and debates for tens of years already.   People are still bickering. People will continue to bicker. The only progress that has been made is that nations have now agreed to have an agreement that something must be done.  Too little, too late.  That’s how I’m feeling.

I found myself thinking back to the days before my first child, my daughter, was born. She was born in September of 2001, seven days after 9/11.  As I watched the most surreal and horrific event to happen on US soil unfold, I couldn’t help thinking, “What kind of world are we bringing a child into? What were we thinking?”. I was terrified, instead of hopeful, for her future.

Of course, it didn’t stop us from having a second child. That’s the thing about Hope, isn’t it? Seems I still had it then.

And today in my kitchen, staring out the window, I found myself thinking along the same vein again, “Why did we risk bringing children into this world? Of all times.”

We are failing them. Forget the worries about whether or not they get enough exercise, or if they have a healthy diet, or if all the video games and social media are detrimental to them, or if they will have the social skills to navigate the world when they are older. Forget wondering if they will make it into a good college or if they will want to go to university at all.  None of it will be relevant in the all too near future. Their future.

The country that my family is living in is circling the drain right now. It won’t be much of a shock if the current president of the United States and the saber-rattling dictators of the world manage to kill us all off faster than Climate Change actually. Maybe it would be a mercy.

The world as we know it is dying and we are the ones who are hastening along it’s demise. Forget looking forward to becoming grandparents. I’m probably going to advise them not to have children. Shit, by the time they are old enough for that, it will be obvious that bringing any new human life into this world would be cruel. We are failing them. We have failed them. We are destroying their future, while we twiddle our thumbs, and close our eyes, and avoid the news, and distrust the media, and let someone else figure it out. We go about business as usual. We don’t know any other way; it’s just what we do.

Let the band play on, right?



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